Posts Tagged ‘Tiger Woods’

Tiger Woods Suffers “Hotel Injury” Gets A Terrible Case of The Shanks While Refusing To Lay Up With The Big Dog

August 22, 2013

Tiger Woods enters this weekend’s Barclays, the initial event of this year’s FedEx Cup, as the favorite to win the whole deal once again. And, since it’s not a major, he’s probably going to throttle the entire field and walk away with another two-comma check.But it won’t be easy, no. Woods has taken his first lumps this playoff season before swinging a single competitive club. The culprit? A soft hotel bed.Woods skipped drives and approaches on the back nine of a Wednesday pro-am, saying that he’d suffered the injury the night before.

Tiger Woods gets a terrible case of the shanks, while refusing to lay up letting the Big Dog roam, while parring the backside nine. Obviously pronating when he should have been suppinating. Tiger Woods goes from FedEx Cup To Tin Cup.


Elin Nordegren Tears Down $12M Mansion, Unable To Find Good Wood

January 9, 2012

Last week, we brought you the story of Elin Nordegren’s curious-at-the-time decision to knock down a $12 million mansion. It seemed, at first glance, a rather conspicuous display of wealth — I’ve got so much money I can demolish a mansion and build a new one! A divorce from Tiger Woods, it seemed, was the gift that kept on giving.

Well, turns out that there was a pretty good reason for razing the North Palm Beach, Fla., estate: termites. A report in People magazine indicated that the 1920s-era mansion fell short of current hurricane safety codes, and combined with a termite infestation, that was enough to warrant blasting it down to the sand.Also of note: Nordegren offered a local Habitat for Humanity chapter a month to take whatever it could from the mansion before demolition. (No, don’t go all, “Oh, so generous, donating termite-infested wood!” on Elin. It was a nice gesture.)

Termite infestation…Elin Nordegren unable to find good wood..

Ask The Eye, Better To Text Than To Ring

July 6, 2010

Q. Dear Eye View: I am recently engaged to the man of my dreams. I couldn’t be happier; he is truly a prince of a man. We have known each other for some years now and will be getting married soon. For some very good reasons, I do not have an engagement ring and am absolutely fine with that. There are no financial problems; we both earn very good salaries. We have most of our money in other investments and decided we would rather get married sooner and have a fun wedding and reception than spend the money on a piece of jewelry that can be purchased later. However, sometimes when friends or acquaintances find out about the engagement and offer congratulations, they ask me where the ring is and why I don’t have one. That is usually accompanied by some insinuation that I am settling, my fiance is a deadbeat, or that I am being mistreated in some way. At first I would laugh it off, but I am growing tired of having to field these somewhat rude comments and nosy questions. The last time this happened, I was so frustrated I just abruptly changed the subject. How can I politely yet firmly respond to these questions?

No Ring On It


The jewelry industry really has done some excellent marketing if the absence of an engagement ring from your fiance is now seen as being abusive. Tell your friends  to piss off and tell them  more deadbeats give engagement rings than not. Knock on Woods. Hope this helps.


World Cup Drama.Triangle Offense.Are You Ready For Some Football?

June 18, 2010

Sara Carbonero, a beautiful sideline reporter and girlfriend of Spanish goalkeeper Iker Casillas, is being blamed by some fans for Spain’s shocking World Cup loss to Switzerland on Wednesday.

The Guardian reports that the gorgeous sportscaster is accused of distracting her boyfriend by being so close to the field before and during the crucial match. Casillas allowed the game’s only goal, and Spanish fans are worried that Carbonero could be to blame. Are you ready for some football? Been there done that.. Scandinavian Rules Football..Be sure to wear  your world cup..


Eye View Sports. Tiger Has Problem With Hole #16

June 18, 2010

Tiger Woods returned to the scene of his most complete triumph Thursday, but Pebble Beach wasn’t in a nostalgic mood. Ten years after his epic 15-shot US Open triumph here in 2000, Woods couldn’t manage one birdie in three-over opening round 74 of the 2010 edition of the championship. As he battled his way around, Woods said, there were no wistful memories of his six-under first-round effort a decade ago, which launched the unprecedented “Tiger Slam”.

“The holes are much different and the bunkering is much different. “It was so bouncy out there,” Woods said of Pebble Beach’s poa annua greens. A few of the hoes are totally different.” Ho #16 has been a real mother of a ho.

Al Gore Marriage Split Activates Social Security Lock Box Red Alert

June 4, 2010

The recent announcement that Al and Tipper Gore are headed toward divorce, has caused a  rash of  new sightings regarding the whereabouts of  US Social Security Lock Box. The lock box has now been sighted on Al Gores’s 100-foot houseboat Bio-Solar One headed to an unknown destination.

 Word has it that Al Gore and his 100′ Bio-Solar One may be on its way to meet Tiger Woods in his 155′ Trideck Motor Yacht.. Privacy.

Word has it, that Al is embarrased that he is  number 2 once again, with a smaller boat, smaller Social Security  lockbox, and smaller putter than Tiger.

Tiger Woods Meets With BP and Federal Government To Discuss Golf Ball Technology

June 2, 2010

Not to be out -done by James Cameron, Tiger Woods has been invited by the White House to discuss better ways to “plug the damn hole” with golf balls. Tiger is currently working on a more advanced golf ball to help stop the flow of oil in the Gulf of Mexico. The adminstration stated that Tigers advanced skills in plugging holes may be useful in solving the oil spill. Tigers recommendations have centered around the concept of using larger balls for future oil well junk shots. Woods maintains for a successful junk shot you need more junk in the trunk.. Woods stated” “Take it from me some hoes are more problematic than others.”  Currently the Feds are going through the hi tech golf ball permitting stage to be completed early 2015.



Eye On Augusta

April 10, 2010

Tiger at the Masters  is using profanities live on CBS. Not good for rebuilding the brand.. A brand too big to fail….

Moody Eye at the Masters.. Fixed

April 9, 2010

Moody Eye investigators believes that Tiger Woods best- ever first round was no fluke. His two eagles and 4 under par on the first round  was because the greenkeepers  set the pin locations optimal for Tiger. This easier course lay- out allowed Tiger to ease back into competition in front of record breaking television audiences. Who said Southerns are dumb. Golf is fun to watch again..

The Eye Doctor is in… Nike Ad Shrink Wrap

April 8, 2010

Tiger Woods Dad Ad  aired the evening before the Masters. The Nike Dad Ad  is lame and may backfire if they found Earl was spending time with the hoes…. which I think he did. Maybe Earl Woods,  who  robbed Tiger Woods  of his childhood, much like what Joe Jackson did to Michael Jackon, is not the warm and fuzzy role model ad  Nike is shooting for, at this particular time in history. Maybe Nike  should have played it safe, like showing  pictures of the Pope and children wearing Nike shoes..