Posts Tagged ‘Senfeld’

Ask The Eye Airing The Laundry Like A Frightened Turtle

August 2, 2013

Dear Eye View,
A couple of months ago, I asked out a woman I did not know well who is in the same extended social group I’m in. We had a few nice dates and kissed at the end of the third one. Things seemed to be going well, but then she texted me stating she didn’t want to see me anymore. I thought she should have called to deliver this news, but I let it go. Not long after that, I noticed that some of the women in my social circle were acting different toward me, almost wary. I asked one woman who was a good friend what was going on, and she told me that this lady was accusing me of sending her pictures of my genitals by email after our last date. I did no such thing. These pictures were circulated among the ladies, so my friend showed me. The email address is one I used years ago before switching to Gmail. I didn’t even know the account was still active. The text consisted of generic sexual comments. The pictures are close-up shots of a penis. This person is much more well-appointed than I could ever hope to be. I feel like I’m in an impossible spot. I cannot exactly show everyone my more modest equipment to prove that this is not me. I can explain it’s a very old email address, but it was mine, so that explanation sounds flimsy. I can only assume someone did this as a cruel trick, but it has the potential to ruin my standing among all the people in my circle. Should I just call the woman and assert that the photos are not me? How do I clean this up?

—Those Pictures Are Not Me

Dear Pics
I understand your concern. Forget trying to explain all the email hacking issues. To clear your name you must act on this agressively and air this dirty laundry. Tell the people in your group that is not you, and you will prove it by having sex with everyone in your group at anytime and anyplace..First though ask them if they understand shrinkage. Not that there is anything wrong with that. Hope this helps.


Ask The Eye, If I Die Who Will Keep The Exits Clear?

June 25, 2013

Dear Eye View

Some three decades ago, I killed a man. He had broken into my home, armed; we struggled, he died. It was clearly self-defense and, frankly, I have no regrets or remorse. A few months ago, my wife’s brother did an idle Google search and discovered a report on the incident, which he’s shared widely in the family. He’s also taken to calling me “Killer.” Normally, I’d be amused but some friends and family have reacted quite negatively, with one breaking all ties, another telling my wife that they’d rather not have me around their children, and a couple seemingly eager to either psychoanalyze me or get the gruesome details. How do I get people to understand that I am not interested in dredging up the past and that something that happened long ago has very little bearing on who I am today? I’d happily write off the rude and the stupid but these people are important to my wife. Angry

Dear Angry

Apparently these friends and family would prefer that you had been killed by the intruder, so they could then honor your memory as a tragic victim. Apologize and tell them you were at fault, and were not trained in the current recommended styles of  self defense. Tell them if you would have been killed who would have kept the exits clear? Hope this helps..



Michael Vick Cheats In Foot Race States I Choose Not To Run

May 14, 2013

What began as good-natured ribbing between teammates seems to have taken a  turn for the sour over accusations of cheating. Last week, after weeks of teasing from his Philadelphia Eagles teammate,  running back LeSean McCoy, quarterback Michael Vick accepted a challenge to  race. Vick, 32, had reportedly had enough of McCoy, 24, teasing him and calling him  “old man,” and got permission from coach Chip Kelly to race during practice last  week. The “old man” crushed the competition, beating his younger teammate by about  five yards in the 40-yard race. But now, McCoy is accusing Vick of cheating, saying the quarterback  left before the gun, and he says he has proof.

When asked if he would consider a rematch  Vick said “I choose not to run”..




Doctors Still Think It Is A Bad Idea For Partients To Have Access To Their Medical Records

March 28, 2013

According to a new Harris Poll survey, conducted on behalf of the management consulting firm Accenture, less than one-third of U.S. doctors think patients should have full access to their own electronic health records. As a patient, you may literally trust your doctor with your life, and the doctor-patient relationship relies on this level of trust. The relationship should be one of give and take, even if the exchange is sometimes dominated by the professional. So it may come as a surprise that 65 percent of docs believe their patients should have only limited access to their electronic health records, and 4 percent believe patients should have no access at all.

Especially the difficult patients.

elaine chart 2

Its Official The Dingo Did It…..

June 12, 2012

Australians have overwhelmingly welcomed the final chapter of a mystery that has captivated the nation for 32 years: Did a dingo really take a baby that vanished from an Outback campsite in 1980?

A nation that was once bitterly divided on whether baby Azaria Chamberlain had been dragged away by a wild dog or murdered by her mother now largely agrees that the parents deserve the vindication a coroner’s court provided Tuesday.

A day after Azaria Chamberlain would have turned 32, a coroner found that a dingo had taken her as a 9-week-old baby from a tent near Ayers Rock, the red monolith in the Australian desert now known by its Aboriginal name Uluru. That is what her parents had maintained from the beginning.

Its offical the dingo ate her baby and thats something….

Mr Kruger Shoots Self In Head Time For Some T-boing

February 24, 2012

Seinfeld actor Daniel von Bargen, who’s best known for playing George Costanza’s boss Mr. Kruger in the sitcom, is in critical condition after a failed suicide attempt earlier this week, TMZ reports.

The 61-year-old was in his Cincinnati apartment Monday morning when he shot himself in the head and then called for help. According to audio of the 911 tape posted on the gossip site, he told the operator, “I’ve shot myself in the head and I need help.”

The gunshot to the temple was not an accident. Von Bargen, who is a diabetic, recently learned some bad news. “I was supposed to go to the hospital and I didn’t want to. So I shot myself… They were supposed to amputate at least a few toes.”

Von Bargen was transported to a nearby hospital.

The veteran actor also recurred as Commandant Edwin Spangler on Malcolm in the Middle. On the big screen, he’s appeared in O Brother, Where Art Thou?, The Faculty and Super Troopers.

Time for some T-boing

Chicago Man Suing Southwest Airlines Over Drink Coupons, Preposterous

November 17, 2011

(Reuters) – Southwest Airlines Co was sued by an Illinois man over the discount carrier’s decision to stop honoring coupons for free alcoholic drinks, which it had given to select travelers and which lacked expiration dates. The plaintiff Adam Levitt said Southwest had for years awarded customers like him, who bought tickets through its premium-priced “Business Select” program, hundreds of thousands of coupons for the drinks, which would otherwise cost $5 each. But on August 1, 2010, Southwest changed its policy, and said Business Select passengers may use their coupons only on the day of travel printed on them. Some other passengers were given more time.

Levitt, who lives in the Chicago area, said the policy change amounted to a breach of contract. He attached to his complaint copies of 45 coupons for free drinks, which he said he had accumulated and which the change left worthless.

Levitt’s noted attorney stated that Southwest Airlines policy was  totally inappropriate. It’s lewd, lascivious , salacious, outrageous, egregious, preposterous and Supercilious!   His attorney is currently on retainer for  20 free drinks..