Posts Tagged ‘Gitmo 5’

The Taliban Wanted A 6th Guy Back, But Died Getting Gym Quality Gitmo Workout

June 14, 2014

There’s an automated machine that terrorists everywhere may have to start fearing — and it’s not a new type of drone. It’s actually something your mom might be using right now — the fearsome elliptical. One Taliban leader met his end on the machine designed to shed pounds and strengthen cardio — causing his obvious omission from the list of leaders the radical Islamic group wanted back from Guantanamo Bay in exchange for captured Army Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl. According to a Foreign Policy report, Awal Gul suffered a heart attack in 2011 while training on an elliptical. He had been interned at Gitmo since 2002 before he embarked on his fateful workout on the dreaded elliptical of death. He was 48 years old at the time of his passing. No word if the Taliban will issue a fatwa against all ellipticals in response to Gul’s death




Obama Bracket Buster Trade Sends Gitmo 5 Dream Team For A Player To Be Named Later

June 8, 2014

Days after President Obama released five of the world’s most dangerous terrorists from the U.S. military prison in Guantanamo, two alarming reports—one from a mainstream newspaper and the other from a prominent research group—provide distressing information that confirms it was a really bad idea. Here’s a little background on the freed terrorists from a U.S. Senator who wants the Senate Armed Services Committee to conduct a hearing. “The five terrorists released were the hardest of the hard-core,” Senator Lindsey Graham tells the committee chairman in a letter requesting the hearing. “They held positions of great importance within the hard-core anti-American Taliban, including the Chief of Staff of the Taliban Army and the Taliban Deputy Minister of Intelligence. They have American blood on their hands and surely as night follows day they will return to the fight. In effect, we released the “Taliban Dream Team.” The United States is less safe because of these actions.” Surely, they’ll be thrilled to have five more experienced jihadists on their roster.
Gitmo 5 Dream Team. Coming to a stadium near you.