Ask The Eye Don’t Be Your MILs Beast Of Burden

Dear Eye View

My MIL confided to me that she gave a child up for adoption. This child was the issue of a relationship with a married man who she later went on to marry. The only people aware of this are now deceased. The child, now an adult has reached out to my MIL via a search agency to build a relationship. My MIL has declined and will no longer discuss the issue. She only told me because she had a health scare and in the event of her death, should we find paperwork, she wanted someone to know. My husband knows nothing about this. I wish I didn’t either, frankly. My husband did not have a great childhood and my MIL is a very different person than she was in her younger years, and I think they have all made peace with the past. I do not keep secrets from my spouse but I don’t know that this is my information to share. Do I tell him, do I tell her to tell him, or do I let this go? I am not looking to force her to reconnect. As much as I wish this could happen, I do not think her health can withstand the stress and she has firmly made her decision. I care deeply for this woman and as much as I have my own strong opinions about the person trying to reconnect, I have to respect her wishes … Don’t I?


Dear I

I understand your concern. I don’t think your mother-in-law gets to  tell you her life’s deepest, darkest secret—one that would have an enormous impact on her son—and then say now that she’s gotten it off her chest, you just have to bear the burden. Your mother-in-law is not entitled to make decisions for every adult in her orbit. Share your burden with your husband. You will feel much better. Hope this helps.




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