Dear Eye View
Three months ago, the woman who was having an affair with my husband died suddenly from an accident. I found out about the affair shortly before her funeral. I thought she was simply a co-worker and I was wondering why my husband was so disturbed and emotional. He quit his job, saying it was too traumatic to go to work. She was in the early weeks of pregnancy when she died and my husband doesn’t know whether he or her husband was the father. So, on top of everything, he’s also grieving for a baby which may or may not have been his. I find it extremely difficult to be emotionally supportive when he wakes up at 3 a.m. crying and trembling—yet I don’t have the heart to yell at him like I want to. He says she’s dead, so there’s no reason for me to feel jealous or threatened, and asks for my understanding as he grieves. We’ve barely talked these last weeks because I don’t know how to respond to my husband when he cries and says he misses her and wishes she were here, then also how much he loves me and that he never intended to leave me. I asked him to visit a marriage therapist together and he said he’s “not ready” to work on our marriage, and thinks he needs to see a grief therapist instead. Do I need to give him time to mourn the loss of his mistress? Or should I demand he focus on our marriage?
Confused
Dear Confused
I understand your concern. Your husband has lost his mistress, possible child, his job, your respect, and possibly his life when the grieving widower finds out. I think grief therapy is in order. Maybe you should help plan the funeral to overcome his grief.. Have you considered clown therapy? Hope this helps.
EV
Tags: ask the eye
Moody Eye View 
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