Archive for February, 2012

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Slovaks Want To Build A Chuck Norris Crossing, Bridge To Pain

February 24, 2012

Slovaks have been voting overwhelmingly in favour of naming a new pedestrian and cycling bridge near their capital after 1980s US action film and TV star Chuck Norris.

The two other top names in the running for the bridge, which will span the Morava river and cross the border to Austria, were Maria Theresa after an Austro-Hungarian empress and the Devinska cycling bridge in honour of the closest village.

Norris, a martial arts expert-turned film star, is known for playing tough guy characters in such movies as Lone Wolf McQuade, Missing in Action and The Delta Force.The actor’s work has become a popular source of kitschy fun among Slovaks and a mainstay for local jokes about macho strength and invincibility.

Slovaks want a Chuck Norris crossing.

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Mr Kruger Shoots Self In Head Time For Some T-boing

February 24, 2012

Seinfeld actor Daniel von Bargen, who’s best known for playing George Costanza’s boss Mr. Kruger in the sitcom, is in critical condition after a failed suicide attempt earlier this week, TMZ reports.

The 61-year-old was in his Cincinnati apartment Monday morning when he shot himself in the head and then called for help. According to audio of the 911 tape posted on the gossip site, he told the operator, “I’ve shot myself in the head and I need help.”

The gunshot to the temple was not an accident. Von Bargen, who is a diabetic, recently learned some bad news. “I was supposed to go to the hospital and I didn’t want to. So I shot myself… They were supposed to amputate at least a few toes.”

Von Bargen was transported to a nearby hospital.

The veteran actor also recurred as Commandant Edwin Spangler on Malcolm in the Middle. On the big screen, he’s appeared in O Brother, Where Art Thou?, The Faculty and Super Troopers.

Time for some T-boing

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Obama Apologizes To Hamid Karzai, Americans Still Waiting For Theirs

February 23, 2012

The Afghan president’s office says it has received a letter from President Barack Obama formally apologizing for the burning of Qurans at a U.S. military base in Afghanistan.

The statement from President Hamid Karzai’s office says the U.S. ambassador delivered the letter on Thursday.

In the letter, which is quoted in the statement, Obama expresses his “deep regret for the reported incident” and offers his “sincere apologies.”

According to the statement, Obama wrote: “The error was inadvertent; I assure you that we will take the appropriate steps to avoid any recurrence, to include holding accountable those responsible.”

Obama apologizes to Karzai, American drivers still waiting for theirs.

 

 

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The Case Of The Stolen Ice Dragon Head Heats Up, Someone Needs A Knuckle Sandwich

February 23, 2012

A key piece of evidence in a larceny case in Salem has vanished. And police say warm temperatures are to blame. Back on February 12, the dragon head was allegedly cut out of a sculpture and stolen by two men who were caught lugging the head down Essex Street. The two men were charged with felony larceny. That dragon head was recovered and placed in a police evidence storage freezer.

Unfortunately, the refrigerator suffered an electrical malfunction on Tuesday and most of the evidence melted.

The Salem Patch says an officer discovered the melted sculpture head while performing a post-weekend check of the evidence room.

“The refrigerator must have stopped working sometime over the weekend because the ice sculpture head that was in the freezer was 75 percent melted,” police told the Salem Patch.

Police blamed too many steps in chain of ownership and someone expected to get knuckle sandwich…

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Ask The Eye, Speaking With Your Heart On Valentines Day

February 20, 2012

Dear Eye View

My husband of 24 years (the last 2.5 years of which he’s been involved in an affair with his crush from high school) has been living across town since early fall, but we continue to see each other every day, mostly so he can visit with our 15- and 17-year-old kids (who don’t know about the affair and expect us to patch things up). We normally do some sort of nominal thing with the kids for Valentine’s Day, and he suggested we take them to a new frozen yogurt shop. I agreed at first, but now I can’t stomach the thought of seeing him at all tomorrow. I don’t want to hurt the kids, but I’m thinking of faking being sick, so they’ll have to go with just him. Any alternative suggestions

Fed Up

Dear Fed Up

I understand your concern. Your kids are old enough to see through your unconvincing  silly illusion. The best thing is to tell them what is going on and see an attorney . But if you decide to go on with one more tired attempt,  I would suggest taking along a box of candy hearts for your husband. Be sure to speak with your heart. Hope this helps..

EV

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Eye View Business, GM Reports $7.6B In Profits And Pays Less Taxes Than Warren Buffets Secretary The Gift That Keeps On Giving

February 19, 2012

DETROIT (AP) — General Motors earned its largest profit ever in 2011, two years after it nearly collapsed.

Strong sales in the U.S. and China helped the carmaker turn a profit of $7.6 billion, beating its old record of $6.7 billion in 1997 during the pickup and SUV boom.

GM is a vastly different company than it was back then. It’s smaller, has less debt and its contract with the United Auto Workers is less costly. But it took a $49.5 billion government bailout and bankruptcy protection in 2009 to cut its bloated costs. The company earned huge a profit even though U.S. sales of cars and trucks were near an historic low of 12.8 million.

In 2012, GM expects to increase its revenue as global sales grow and it charges more for models.

GM said 47,500 blue-collar workers in the U.S. will get $7,000 profit-sharing checks in March. The checks are based on the company’s North American performance and are a record for the company.

GM pays back $6.7B loan of $52B bail out and claims all debts paid in full, GM pays no federal income taxes based on special loss carryover rule, GM pays out $7,000 bonuses to union workers where unions get a bigger chunk of taxpayers dollars. GM the gift that keeps on giving.. Better than Warren Buffets secretary.

 

 

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Animal Rights Surveillance Drone Shot Down By Unidentified High Tech Weapon In South Carolina

February 18, 2012

A remote-controlled aircraft owned by an animal rights group was reportedly  shot down near Broxton Bridge Plantation Sunday near Ehrhardt, S.C.

Steve Hindi, president of SHARK (SHowing Animals Respect and Kindness), said  his group was preparing to launch its Mikrokopter drone to video what he called  a live pigeon shoot on Sunday when law enforcement officers and an attorney  claiming to represent the privately-owned plantation near Ehrhardt tried to stop  the aircraft from flying.

“It didn’t work; what SHARK was doing was perfectly legal,” Hindi said in a  news release. “Once they knew nothing was going to stop us, the shooting stopped  and the cars lined up to leave.”He said the animal rights group decided to send the drone up anyway.

“Seconds after it hit the air, numerous shots rang out,” Hindi said in the  release. “As an act of revenge for us shutting down the pigeon slaughter, they  had shot down our copter.”

He claimed the shooters were “in tree cover” and “fled the scene on small  motorized vehicles.”

 

 

 

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Heart Attack Grill Introduces Chest Pains Worth Dying For

February 16, 2012

It was always going to be unwise naming a restaurant that glorifies unhealthy food the Heart Attack Grill. And on Saturday the inevitable happened when a customer suffered a cardiac arrest in the chain’s Las Vegas branch.An onlooker captured video of paramedics wheeling the unidentified man, thought to be in his 40s, out of the fast-food diner.

He was midway through eating a 6,000-calorie Triple Bypass Burger when he began experiencing chest pains.

The restaurant chain – founded in 2005 using the catchphrase ‘Taste Worth Dying For!’ – is run by a former nutritionist ‘Doctor’ Jon Basso who, remarkably, used to run a Jenny Craig weight loss diet centre. Meals can exceed 8,000 calories. The recommended daily intake is 2,000 calories for women and 2,500 for men.

The Triple Bypass Burger contains three slabs of meat, 12 rashes of bacon, cheese, red onion, sliced tomato and the Heart Attack Grill’s own ‘unique special sauce’. And that’s before taking into account the accompanying ‘Flatliner Fries’, cooked in pure lard, and a giant soft drink.

Luckily for the patient there was a nurse in the house.. Chest pains worth dying for..

 

 

 

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Pekingese Wins Best In Show, Creates Mighty Wind

February 16, 2012

Malachy the Pekingese won “Best in Show” from the Westminster Kennel Club, but alas, he didn’t win everyone’s heart in a dog show televised on Valentine’s night.Some dog fanciers find that strange little face of the Pekingese adorable. Some view that waddling ball of fur as a wonder of nature, amazing yet inscrutable.And others just ask, is that really a dog?

Malachy’s victory didn’t shock insiders to the world of dog judging, given that the 4-year-old had won 114 best in show awards during his brief career. But to ordinary viewers, the win prompted a large share of surprise and disappointment, judging by the commentary that has streamed online since Westminster judge Cindy Vogels rendered her decision Tuesday night.But in the Twitterverse, an online barometer of instant public opinion, many others didn’t get the judge’s choice. Or they just wanted another one of the seven finalists to win.

Pekingese wins best in show. Creates mighty wind.

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Jack in the Box Beefs Up Its Artillery, Introduces Bacon Milkshakes

February 10, 2012

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new contestant in the who-can-top-this outrageous new fast food item: the bacon milkshake from Jack in the Box.

The bacon shake is made with no actual bacon, just real vanilla ice cream, bacon-flavored syrup, whipped topping and a maraschino cherry, according to the website. We were thinking this had to be the most trayf food known to mankind before we saw the ingredient list. OK, let’s get to the good stuff. A 16-ounce bacon shake weighs in at 773 calories, 28 grams of saturated fat, 2 grams of trans fat and 75 grams of sugar. Hankering for a 24-ounce size? That’ll be 1,081 calories, 37 grams of saturated fat, 3 grams of trans fat and 108 grams of sugar. Mmmmm.

Jack in the Box adds bacon milkshake to its calorie arsenal.

 

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